Thursday, October 15, 2009
Next I get tearful, upset. It's the light that upsets me. Photophobia is cruel. Only pitch black will save you. This mixes with a deep depression and unexpected highs. I can find humour in most things. Often cruel humour and I instantly feel guilty. The whole rollercoaster ride can last for hours but it does ware off. You just have to be careful what you say to people.
When it does all ware off there is a sad but satisfying calm.
I go through all this about once a month but in the last two weeks I've experienced it eight times and the ringing in the ears and sickness are returning. I haven't had that for a long long time.
I hope you never have to go through this. It is truly bizarre. Thing is I'm used to it and I feel bad for the familiarity I have with migraine. It's like having a bad friend and that's not right.
I thought I'd tell you about what I live with.
I see a dot. It's bright and I know a migraine is about to start. My only defence is two pain killers to avoid the inevitable headache. They won't stop it but they might shorten it by a day or two.
Next the dots start to grow. They look like TV static but they're very short lines and not dots. This goes on for twenty minutes to half an hour obscuring my vision. I once became totally blind.
When the dots go the headache tries it's best to disable me. If I've missed the tablets I'm a mess. Everything is a problem. The pain is physical but also mental. Things like sounds make a virtual lump inside my head hurt. I felt the lump today. Imagine four or five cubes randomly stuck together with their cornets sticking into your brain and skull. That's the lump. If I've taken the tablets the lump is almost non existant but I get a dull ache instead. After thirty years I can live with that. I don't like it but it's better than the lump.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I've been working on my OTP project tonight.
Far from getting bogged down in its complexities I'm enjoying the challenge and it's relatively easy to work on. I can put this down to the slow and methodical pace at which I'm working. I'm researching every single step.
I have a dream that this new method will make it as far as a software application and tonight I thought of an ideal partner in crime. Hopefully he'll say yes.
I'll let you know.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Tonight was the first time I really got my head into my RM1x.
It's an amazing bit of kit. I love the sounds and on the surface it's quite easy to program. Underneath it's a beast with quite awesome power. Step by step I'll get into every corner and be able to produce some impressive stuff but that will take time.
It will eventually send MIDI program change messages to my PodXT and I'll think about performing live again.
It will be strange to approach MIDI from an audio only angle as I'm more used to having to control video.
MIDI is easy. Once you've re-aquainted yourself with a library of manuals.
Here's to some bed-time reading.